(Digression: I'm now 30 years and 3 months old actually and while it sucks as much and more, I have discovered a positive development that's taken place. My once famously volatile motion sickness has miraculously disappeared. From being unable to look at my watch in a moving car without throwing up, I have progressed to being able to get through an entire 3 night cruise on very choppy waters without even clutching at my bosom. It's a triumph and a mystery - one that can only be explained by my entry into the twilight years of my life.)
So anyway, like I was saying, I recently turned 30. And when you turn 30, you're forced to think about some hitherto unnecessary things. A good health insurance plan, comfortable footwear and the prospect of kids. It's the age-old (pun intended) biological-clock & aging-eggs scam that's been used to trick women into reproducing for generations. If you're not careful, you get sucked into the flawed logic and fake promise of family fun and frolic and before you know it, you've got on your hands a wailing baby and on your stomach giant stretch marks. But by then it's too late.
Fortunately, I've long held a strong opinion on the topic and simply put, I'm against them. Now before anyone who has ever borne a child gets their knickers in a twist over this, let me explain my point of view. I'm sure children are wonderful creatures who bring you joy like nothing else and who make up the most important thing you'll ever do in your life, but the way I look at it, child rearing is just too hard.
There's the 9 months of carrying it, the super painful labour (don't believe all those stories of Epidural, it's still bloody painful) and then the never ending bringing up. From teaching your kids to pee in a bowl to teaching them to do fractions. From picking them up from day care to dropping them off at piano lessons. From cleaning their spit-up after a feed to cleaning their throw up after they get drunk at a school party (you know it's going to happen!), it just never ends. And have you ever closely seen the faces of parents as they try to rein in their kids in a mall or restaurant? That expression they all share. It's called stress. Never ending, unrelenting stress.
So after years of observing parents and children, I'd come to the conclusion that having kids was basically more trouble than it's worth. The occasional smile they flash you or hug they throw your way certainly does not equal years of labour. It's just too difficult.
That's what I thought.
Until I saw something that got me thinking.
Look at this picture. That's two adults and six children. SIX. That's six times the crap, six times the fraction teaching, six times the after school activities and six times the general stress that comes with being a parent.
But look at them. They look... well, not-mental. As any normal couple surrounded by 6 children should. Of couse, in this picture I can only count five kids. Who knows? Maybe the sixth one really pissed them off and they left it behind on the plane on purpose. But even for a couple of Earthlings surrounded by five kids, they look very, like I said, non-mental.
OK, now I know they're Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie. And along with adopting children, they've probably also adopted families to look after these kids. But in this picture they're actually braving their way through an airport with a sea of children and smiling beatifically through it all.
I must admit it. I'm intrigued. In their own special Hollywood way Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie have shown me a glimmer of hope where I thought there was none. Maybe having children isn't as bad as I thought. Maybe it is all family fun and frolic, just like the brochure promised. All you need is to be the two best looking people on earth with a combined salary of a few million dollars. And as soon as I'm there, I'll be ready to reproduce. Until then, you know where I stand.
---------------------------------------------------------------
I was just thinking today that if I were ever start another blog I'd like to call it blogojevich.com. After ex-governor Rod Blagojevich of course. I have absolutely no interest in the man or his politics. I am, however, completely taken with his name. Spelt Blagojevich and pronounced Blay-go-yo-vich. I'm especially amused by how Americans will pronounce his name perfectly and completely fumble when it comes to a Karan or Nidhi.
No comments:
Post a Comment